For those of us that have no partner or spouse, no kids, no roommates, no one residing with us, we get double punched!
Other than actually losing a loved one, the second hardest part of this whole pandemic is when you lose someone whether it is due to COVID-19 or not, we must deal with it on our own, alone. No hugs, no in-house consoling, no late-night crying knowing you will receive the TLC you deserve, on top of that; the resounding shared crappiness of this nightmare, no one coming over to keep you from getting hip-high into your grief or helping to keep you eating and hydrated. Just hanging out, just being there.
When my sister passed away on October 10th, 2020, I was blessed to have my lifelong “Wendy” take the journey to South Florida with me. She heard and called me up and said, “I may not have been fond of how she treated you but because I love you and you never gave up on her, I don’t want you to be alone”. This was a really big deal and out of her comfort zone; and mine, we are both rather reclusive women even before COVID. I am so very grateful for her and for putting up with me being Miss Independent and not letting her help me with much. I had to ask her forgiveness and apologize to her at least twice.
I got home and have been alone in my grief ever since, and if you can imagine “re-grieving” for my brother (2016) and both my parents (2006 & 2008, (too young)) because my sister was my last living immediate family. I feel like I have a form of what I know to be PTSD in a way. This is a time for faith! Faith in God, for me. If I feel the emptiness the way I do, then I know others out there; known and unknown are feeling the same way! As a pragmatic person who is also empathic, my heart hurts more for others more than for myself. Perhaps not so much on those few and far between dark days that I tend to have whether before the pandemic or during. We all get them, don’t say you don’t.
All I can do is pray for all of you that lost a loved one this last year and to date because it is awful to not be surrounded by friends, I would say family but, well you know …
Be strong and rely on your courage and it’s okay to cry and fall apart. Do not stay there very long in that place of sorrow, pray to whomever your higher power is, and truly believe and know that you are loved and not alone. My faith in God helps me with this every day. Phone calls help from loved ones, I know they helped me, remember everyone is going through something extraordinary because of this pandemic. Remember “video chatting” is a big benefit right now. Use and have fun with it; have girls’ night, or art project, watch a movie or sitcom together, I know I don’t do vid chats but I would if it was offered to me. So in the mix of things your feeling remember to be kind and generous with your patients and stay hopeful, even if you are really are alone like me; if I can do it you can do it, I promise.
~ Your Truly, Patsy Dale